My Blog

Did you happen to see the Jonathan Ross show last night and the interview with David Walliams?  I was pleasantly surprised to hear David speak about the bouts of  depression he has suffered throughout his life.

Why surprised? Because like many others viewers I thought he ‘has it all’ – witty, intelligent, no financial worries, lots of friends. Shame on me! Haven’t I spent years now aiming to spread the message that depression is an illness? That it is nothing to be ashamed of? That it can happen to anyone? That you can recover if you seek, are given and accept help and treatment as long as you take responsibility to take action yourself?

I was pleased to hear David also say similar things in the interview and I sincerely hope that his openness will have given others comfort and hope. Depression is an illness and it was refreshing for a celebrity to speak in a relaxed manner with no air of sycophancy about it. Thank you, David.

It was 14 years ago this week since I first spoke publicly about my postnatal depression. It was on World Mental Health Day, October 10th, at a local church. You can read all about it in my book ‘Eyes without Sparkle – a journey through postnatal illness’. It is incredible what that spontaneous decision led to! Little did I know that it would change my life direction away from teaching children with severe learning difficulties and ultimately lead to an incredible journey!

This week would be an example of how my life has changed. I shall share it with you for a couple of reasons :–

1. Because I have been receiving messages again from friends to ask how I am (thank you),   2. To inspire others who may be in a troubled place right now.

I had the honour to be invited to speak at Henshaw’s luncheon club  which raises funds for their charity which supports the visually impaired. It was held at the Aspire restaurant at Trafford College where we had a delicious meal prepared and served by students. I had 20 minutes to address the mainly retired audience. I spoke about my journey of life and how I manage to remain positive by making the right (mostly!) choices; communicating with others, and caring. The message that they mainly took was the need to initially care for yourself so that you can care for others.

As I share my experiences so openly it gives the audience permission to share their story with me if they wish to. Thursday’s talk was no different. Knowing that I had helped others in a number of ways is extremely rewarding.

On an individual basis this week I have been pleased to support a couple of people who are currently facing a difficult time. I continue to feel that if my experiences and knowledge can benefit others then I am happy to listen and offer suggestions.

I was given an opportunity to share my thoughts around bereavement on BBC Radio Manchester  recently. I was invited on Heather Stott’s morning programme to talk about the impact of a sudden death. It followed the funerals of the two policewomen recently shot in Manchester. Also in the studio were a female funeral director; a psychologist and a female plumber who had lost her brother 6 years ago.  Heather knew my late partner Clive, as we both used to be guests on her ‘coffee club’ programme. We all had opportunity to speak about our own perspectives. My key message was to graciously accept and ask for help when you are bereaved. This not only helps you – it makes those around you feel better for being useful. Also to share your thoughts and feelings in some way. I did that by talking to others and also through this blog. As the programme went on air, the lady who had lost her brother became increasingly tearful. She said that she had never really spoken about how she felt and one of the emotions linked with bereavement, anger, was still very evident. She very bravely continued to speak on and off air, through her tears. After the programme she said she realised that she needed to speak to someone properly about her reaction to her loss. I do hope she does as it was so sad to see her so upset and her pain so raw.

Are you bottling something up that may be helped if you talked to someone?

I continue to be busy with my coaching calls on a daily basis for Stratagem+ Group.  It is a pleasure to be able to guide my coachees each day through more effective and efficient ways to set and complete daily goals. It is so rewarding to listen to the positive impact in their lives by making a few changes to their thoughts, actions and behaviour.

As part of my PA role for Stratagem+ I have just been given an iPad! I am thrilled! My two year old niece is a whizz on her Mum’s and my Mum is likewise on hers! Time to catch up! I confess to having a new nocturnal habit – I love Sudoko and the one on my iPad is fab! Very addictive! Of course playing that hones my skills needed as a PA!! Thank you Mike and Dave for my new toy, err, vital piece of administrative technology!

My Tuesday mornings with niece Sophie continue to be delightful. Making and eating porridge is part of our ritual! We had a family lunch on Friday to celebrate my Dad’s birthday. Both Sophie and I wore kilts! A Scottish theme appears to be emerging!

Dom is adjusting to sixth form life and A levels. The scary thing is that he is at the school I went to at 16 when we first moved to Cheshire. It only seems 5 minutes ago – where does the time go? Last Saturday evening Dom and I thoroughly enjoyed Leeds Rhinos won Warrington Wolves in the rugby league play – off final. A thrilling game accompanied by fish and chips on the sofa!

I am looking forward to this coming week when I shall be attending the Open University nursing programme committee again. I also have a meeting with my publisher concerning my next book!

I may give the impression that I am always positive and never have an off moment these days. Generally speaking that is true. Yesterday I confess was not one of my better days. I should have been grateful for a day to myself. The trouble was I had several options on how to spend it. Being bored is a feeling I never have as there is always something I can be doing. Initially I burdened myself with a whole range of negative thoughts laced with aspects of things I felt I should do.  I gave myself a mental list a mile long of the many things I ought to do and was in danger of getting stressed and down. Finally I gave myself permission to have a day off and decided to stay in. I settled myself to finish off knitting a cardigan for Dominic and caught up with programmes that have been saved for months. The day ended with a happy Dom in his cardigan (see photo) and Saturday night  television with him.

Today I woke at 7.30 and am buzzing with enthusiasm for everything! I often remind my coachees of the need to take time just for yourself as afterwards you are much more productive. Why are we so hard on ourselves?

When was the last time you gave yourself permission simply to stop and take time out –

even if it simply means staying in?

Elaine

http://www.greatvine.com/elaine-hanzak