My Blog

Every now and then do you question your purpose only for the Universe to respond and renew your conviction to it?

Ever since I resigned my teaching career and took the risk of becoming self-employed to be a speaker on postnatal depression, every now and then I have had such moments. Those who know me well will play witness to my mood swings! Yes I can be happy, bubbly and full of sunshine – then every now and then I slip the other way. This week that happened and I have needed a dose of my own medicine administered by those close to me!

I had allowed a couple of less than favourable comments after recent talks to get me down. I am well aware that as a speaker it is highly unlikely that you will appeal to every single person in the audience, for whatever reason. I ignored the 95% positive remarks and focussed on the 5%! Think of your favourite actor, television programme or film – got one? Now if you share that with others, the chances are that someone will say ‘Really??!’ We can’t all like the same things.

So it was on Thursday morning, I woke in a ‘can’t be bothered’ frame of mind. Boy, did I have a wallow and the kind of conversation with myself that if it had been directed at someone else, they would have been completely crushed! Why do we do that to ourselves?

I suppose I have let others issues get to me too:
1. After my self-imposed pressure to launch my new website and my recent talks, I have no other ‘deadline’ I have to meet. I am most productive when I have one!
2. My PC is still poorly
3. I have put the weight back on I lost last year and all my clothes are now extremely tight and I feel very middle-aged and have little energy!
4. I feel my house is very dusty and after watching the B & B comparison programme ‘Four in a Bed’ I am conscious of it even more!
5. I still can’t get my emails onto my Blackberry since I switched to a new server

As I have written those things down I am laughing at myself! As my good friend Sue would say – ‘Get a grip’!

When I think of how far I have come after losing Clive last year, I should be so grateful for many things, and I really am. This time last year I was in turmoil – not sleeping, crying at the least thing, feeling like a gingerbread man cut-out with all my stuffing knocked out, reeling from shock and bereavement. I used my blog as a way to help myself and others. Now I am in my own home, close to my family and friends with much to enjoy and look forward to.
So how did I change my mood yesterday morning? I got physically busy. I have never cleaned the windows on my lounge since I moved here in November but I set to – it’s a job I loathe but once shiny, I began to feel so much better. The duster and vacuum cleaner came out too and as I cleaned and listened to music, little by little my positive voice crept back into my internal system.

When my good friend and colleague Ann Girling arrived, she listened to my whinges. As I heard the self-depreciating sounds coming from my mouth I could hear how silly I was being! As I spoke I could hear the ‘plan’ formulating:-
1. My website is always in development – there is always something I can add to it. I also now can focus on work with The Joanne Bingley Memorial Foundation.
2. Get my PC looked at and fixed!
3. Eat less – exercise more.
4. Clean the house!
5. Ask for help with my Blackberry.

Ann and I made our plans for more workshops and exciting plans with the charity whilst I indulged in my favourite boiled eggs and toast! By the time she left my enthusiasm and hope had returned and I was busy at my desk all afternoon. This included two phone calls to companies wanting to include me in documentaries on postnatal depression plus a Mum wanting help. The day concluded with contact from another up and coming speaker who said how much I have inspired her. Told you no-one wanted me anymore!
So my tips for dealing with self-doubt?

1. Allow yourself a little wallow (as my friend Paul McGee would call it – Hippo time)
2. Share your feelings with someone else or write them down – you will more clearly see if you have real cause to be so down on yourself
3. Get physical – just do something. Quote from Ann ‘just sitting wrapped in a blanket on your sofa looking pathetic won’t actually achieve anything’
4. Make a new plan and refresh your direction and tasks
5. Be kind to yourself especially in how you speak to yourself
6. Remember that tomorrow is another day and it will probably be much better.

Mine was … next blog coming soon.

Elaine
www.hanzak.com
http://www.greatvine.com/elaine-hanzak