My Blog

Sometimes in life, the most upsetting and traumatic periods of your life can ultimately lead to the most incredible moments.  I’d love to take you on a journey with me as an example of this. It may help to inspire you if you are currently less happy or healthy as you would wish to be.

During the middle of December after the birth of my son in 1996, I was spiraling into puerperal psychosis. I had ‘lost my mind’ and could have taken my own life. During the equivalent week this year, I had a magical time at a Carol Service in Westminster Abbey hosted by the Princess of Wales and attended by many members of the Royal Family, including our new King and Queen Consort. As I sat with my husband Mike looking at the magnificent chandeliers of the Abbey, I commented to him that it was one of those ‘wow’ moments when I reflected at the wonder of how my serious mental illness had led to us being there. We both knew that I would need to write about it.

During the past year I have been involved more than previously with the Maternal Mental Health Alliance. It is a great organisation that brings together many services, charities and projects involved in this particular area. Through the power of numbers and connection, research and funding has enabled huge progress in supporting families in the perinatal period (antenatal, birth and 12 months post-delivery). I have been helping with the Champions – fellow mothers who wish to share their perinatal stories, as I have for many years, to help shape future services. I was very excited a few weeks ago to be told that they had nominated me to attend the Together at Christmas Carol Service.

‘MMHA has been asked to suggest some nominees for people who have given up their time to support others, with empathy and compassion. You’ve been a huge support to the Alliance this year – if you’d like to go, we’d love to nominate you.’

The Princess of Wales is the patron of MMHA. The other aspect was that the invitation extended to my husband Mike. It was even better to share the adventure with him.

I have never received a letter with a Buckingham Palace postmark before and the invitation has pride of place at home.

The journey turned out to be an adventure! From our home near Chester, it took us 7 hours to get into London! We should have arrived just after 12 noon; had a leisurely lunch followed by a bus journey to the Abbey. Mike has challenges with his knee due a military injury and I had let the organisers know he has difficulty queueing, so we had a ‘fast track’ once at the Abbey. The plan was to be in our seats just after 3.15. p.m. That did not take into account that we were sandwiched between strike action on the railways along with freezing temperatures. There was also a signal failure between Euston and Watford Junction! Many trains were cancelled, and we were relieved to finally be on one at Manchester Piccadilly that was going south …. we then waited on it for almost two hours because there was no driver or train manager. By the time it left every seat was full and people were standing in the aisles. It stopped at many stations en-route and during the entire journey, we kept working out if we could get to the Abbey in time. We were just glad to be together.

Once at Euston, over 3 hours late, we took the fastest option via the tube with poor Mike hobbling along as fast as he could. We managed to get there by 4.15 p.m. There were many security measures in place and once through, we could relax. The admittance tickets were colour coded and we were in the section immediately behind where the Royal Family would be seated. Had we arrived when we had intended I am sure we would have been within a couple of rows of them – instead we were around 20 rows back, under a statue of William Shakespeare in Poets’ Corner. Once seated, the stress of the journey evaporated, and we both soaked up the atmosphere.

a

The height of the magnificent, vaulted ceiling takes your breath away. It is incredible to know it was built during a time without modern-day technology or engineering. The sense of majesty, history and reverence is literally awesome. Tombs of medieval kings and queens lie in there. The choir were singing as the congregation continued to be seated, followed by the Royal Family. We could see Prince William and Princess Kate talking to people. A charming young lady was chatting to others around us and then asked how we had come to be there. It transpired that she is a Personal Assistant in the Wales’s household.

We had a service booklet on our seats and also a candle. The service was being recorded to be shown on television on Christmas Eve. The only clue was a long boom that constantly moved in front of us. We were too far back I suspect to be seen clearly on camera. The candles were lit by a smartly dressed steward of the Westminster Abbey team at the end of each row and each person lit their neighbours. The glow of the candlelight was so magical. Then the organ pipes filled the air with sound and a solo chorister sang the first verse of ‘Once in royal David’s city’. Stunning. Carols often make me feel emotional and this was no exception. I focused on the moment, took a breath and joined in with the singing.

Following an opening prayer from the Dean of Westminster, candles were extinguished, and we sat to watch a short film about our late Queen. It felt very poignant to be in the same building where we had seen her sit alone at the funeral of her husband and only a matter of weeks ago, watched her own final service. Mike commented that it must have been hard for the Royal Family to be back here.

‘This carol service is dedicated to her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, and to all those who are sadly no longer with us. Her Late Majesty’s strongly held values of duty, compassion and faith have guided the creation of this service’.

The choir sang enabling us to remember others. I thought of my grandparents. They loved the Royal Family and I know how excited and proud they would have been knowing we were at the Abbey.

Nicola Adams OBE read Luke 2: 1 – 7, telling the story of Mary and Joseph going to Bethlehem. Cue the next carol – ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem’. This was followed by Melanie C and Alfie Boe OBE singing ‘Silent Night’. We could see them on monitors. The Prince of Wales read part of the late Queen’s Christmas Day message from 2013 when she said

‘It is my prayer this Christmas Day that .. will continue to bring people together to give the best of themselves in the service of others’.

The Royal Family members there were certainly doing this.

We then listened to an incredible pianist, Alexis Ffrench, play ‘In the Bleak Midwinter’. It was absolutely stunning. As he played, I absorbed the sensory stimulation around me – the smell of melted wax and extinguished flames; the sound of the mesmerizing music; the slight coldness of my nose; the memory of the very tasty mince pie as we arrived; the sight of the historical statues around me.

Have you ever been at an event, and you know that it will have to end and you don’t want it to?

This was one of those occasions for me. I have learned that the best way to remember and appreciate it is to focus on the senses. It gives me a memory trigger to ‘be there’ again. It is much better to ‘be’ in the moment rather than thinking about it ending. There is real value in being in the moment.

As the music ended, Dame Kristin Scott Thomas read a poem by Malcolm Guite entitle ‘Refugee’. Very poignant as we had heard in the news that morning about the deaths of some migrants crossing the English Channel.

Next we watched a short film about a school in London that is for Ukrainian children during which our candles were relit. This time scouts and guides appeared in the aisles to light them. The Ukrainian pupils then appeared in the Abbey to sing ‘Away in a Manger’. There was one child who sang louder than the rest and not as pitch perfect as the young chorister that we heard earlier. His voice could still be heard over the rest of the congregation. A small voice that filled a huge Abbey. A reminder of the pleasure of parents seeing their child in a nativity. A message of innocence, hope and joy that filled my heart. Please let the suffering in their homeland stop. It was the highlight of the service for me as I held my candle in one hand and my husband’s hand in the other.

Samantha Barks sang a beautiful rendition of ‘Walking in the Air’ then Hugh Bonneville read an except from Paddington’s Christmas Post. I am sure that was to remind us of the fun the late Queen shared with Paddington during her Jubilee Celebrations. The planners really did get the balance of emotion right in this service.

The choir beautifully shared ‘The Holly and the Ivy’ – they certainly had practiced, and it showed. Craig David, accompanied by an acoustic guitar, sang ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’.

We then listened to prayers and a reflection by the Dean of Westminster before singing the final carol, ‘O Come, all ye faithful’. I absolutely loved singing and was sorry the service had ended!

Mike and I wanted to take our time leaving the Abbey. We had been told not to use our phones to take photographs during the service. As the congregation filed out, there were phones galore! It felt so special to be able to walk down the aisle – I linked arms with Mike and said I wanted to walk down that aisle with him. Our wedding last year in Bristol had a tiny aisle – it had been just as special to us though. There was something quite awesome in walking on those black and white tiles (Cosmati Pavement) in front of the High Altar where we had seen royalty marry.   The details of the building are incredible. I strongly urge you to visit and see for yourself.

The chairs where the King and his Queen had been sitting

As we walked into the Nave, people were gathered around a nativity scene. The children from the Ukrainian school were being encouraged to line up and leave! I wanted to pop over and say how much I had enjoyed their singing. It was too busy to say so.

Within minutes we were back outside via the Great West door into the cold and icy air. We posed by some stunning white Christmas trees and Big Ben as we headed back to the tube.

Did all that just happen? It felt quite surreal. We’d had a stressful and long journey to get there – it was worth every moment. Once back at Euston we checked the departure board. Every train was delayed or cancelled!  We hadn’t eaten a proper meal all day, so we dined at Nando’s. It tasted so good. We had decided that food was a priority and then we would face whatever happened next. As train strikes were planned the next two days we knew we had to get back north. Otherwise, it would mean a costly stay in London overnight followed by a coach trip the next day. We sat in Euston watching people and hoped … miraculously the trains began to leave and after a quick change at Milton Keynes we were back in our car at Warrington by 11 p.m.

We now will look forward to watching the service on ITV at 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve. We hope that you enjoy it as much as we did being there. It will be a memory that will stay with us forever and we will be reminded of every time we see a service at the Abbey.

Thank you to

• MMHA for nominating me and allowing Mike to come with me
• The Royal Foundation of the Prince and Princess of Wales
• The team at Westminster Abbey
• All who were involved in ‘Together at Christmas’

This will be the first ever Christmas Day that I will not see my son at all. He is now happily living and working on the banks of Loch Long in Scotland and as a new member of the team will be staying up there. We will see him in January. My Christmas Day will be spent with Mike, my parents, brother, sister, brother-in-law and niece. Like many families around the world, due to COVID, this will be the first one we have spent properly together for a few years.

Remember that sometimes something good does happen as a result of what was a difficult time.

I would like to wish you a very happy Christmas and every good wish for 2023 as we remember those no longer with us and appreciate being with those who still are.

With love

Elaine x