My Blog

Many years ago, I heard the Olympic athlete Sally Gunnell   speak about the two opposing internal voices we all have that influence what we do. There is the positive one that encourages and motivates us, telling us that we will succeed; that we are valued; that we have purpose. Then there is the other one who tells us we will fail; we are not worthy and many other demotivating doubts. Sally calls that one her ‘duck’ – why? Because when it quacks away she can turn to it and say ‘Shut the duck up’!

This week we have marked World Mental Health Day. On that day in 2000, I spontaneously gave a talk at my local church describing how I had been very mentally ill after the birth of my son in 1996. I felt the urge to speak out about how a mental illness can and does affect anyone. Yet with treatment, time and support, it is possible to recover. I was ready to share my story to encourage others. Two published books later, a career change from teaching to international speaker and in December 2019 I was thrilled to be keynote speaker at a major Middle East psychiatry conference in Qatar. My confidence and purpose was very high.

Then the pandemic hit us all. In April 2020 both Mike (now my husband) and I became very unwell with COVID. The months that followed were a struggle for us both as Long COVID set in. I found that not only was I challenged physically, my mental health had been knocked too. I had to have counselling for anxiety. Since then I have allowed my internal, ‘negative duck’ to quack loudly!

I admit that I have questioned my value to society in speaking and writing on mental health. I have given some virtual talks and been so nervous about doing so. I have been comfortable in my slippers at home like many of us post-pandemic. I would like to officially declare today that I am ready to return to the speaking platform 😊. There have been a number of factors that have lead to this that I’d like to share with you.

• Time, support and care from my husband Mike. COVID certainly has tested many relationships. We have needed to look after each other and spent many, many hours together. We are truly blessed. He has been patient and encouraging in the journey I have taken back to recovery. I know how pleased he was this week when I told him that I had reached out to some student midwifery societies, offering to share my knowledge again. I always loved such audiences and am in touch with many midwives who tell me I inspired them to specialise in perinatal mental health. There is a new generation out there with whom I want to talk!
• My parents have always been a great support to me. In recent years my lovely Dad has been declining with dementia. Spending time with them has been wonderful and Mike and I regularly take them to the cinema; Dad does forget what he has seen – sometimes within an hour or two and sometimes it does take a little longer – and what a blessing to spend this time with him and my Mum. We’ve been away with them several times too and genuinely cherish the time we are with them. Experiencing the impact of a memory loss with my Dad, reminds me that we have to make the most of being in ‘the moment’ and also of our life in general. The years do pass quickly and we should do what we can when we can. That is what matters at whatever stage of life we are at. This was something I used to speak about .. and it is time to do so again.
• I have been more involved in recent months as a Champion for the Maternal Mental Health Alliance. I was thrilled when many organisations were brought together just over 10 years ago and through this ever-growing body, so much has been achieved. I attended a celebration for this in London in the summer and it was fabulous to meet up with familiar faces from over the years. I am reminded that even though there are many more women who are prepared to share their stories of perinatal mental health, I do have years of experience and knowledge to share. I am excited to be involved in training some of them in telling their stories.
• I am encouraged by the wonderful Institute of Health Visiting. I was invited to speak in my role of MMHA Champion at a couple of their online forums. I was far from confident in doing it. The testimonials that followed were so encouraging and a great motivator. Likewise, a few weeks ago I was able to give my first ‘real audience’ presentation for HomeStart in Warrington . It was a delight to have a sea of responsive faces in front of me. This comment from one of the volunteers made my day.

I attended the talk you gave along with my 15 year old daughter. We were really impressed with how eloquently you spoke, how you showed real vulnerability and grace with your very personal story.  Thank you so much for sharing and for the very useful information and advice you gave. This will all be so helpful with the families I come into contact with in my role as a Homestart volunteer. You have inspired my daughter (who is choosing her A level options) to re look at what subjects she’d like to study (psychology now in the running!)  A huge thank you and we are so glad you got your ‘mojo’ back and you’re back to public speaking, you’d be doing a disservice to the world if you didn’t!

•  I saw the accounts from some of the professional speakers I know in Dublin last week for a Global Speakers summit.  It was brilliant to see that even there mental health has begun to appear on the agenda. It was good to receive this comment by one of those speakers, Mike Pagan.

‘you are an early adopter – a Visionary – there are many adjectives that you could choose to use. Put simply the world has finally changed, and this subject is no longer fluffy and ignored’ 

• I was invited by Kathy Fray from IIMHCO   to give a global webinar on my new presentation, “Beyond the Perinatal Period- The Life-Changing Impacts of Perinatal Mental Illness”.  I want to inspire further research into linking the milestones in women’s lives and also to show how imperative it is that pregnant mothers and new families receive support for their mental health. Here is part of it.

All of this has contributed to me reaching this point of wanting to return to the speaking, encouraging and inspiring platform. I want to replace my slippers and cosy clothes with my red boots and dresses! This week I had a technical issue with my website and it was offline. I didn’t like it! That also proved to me that I do still care. For over two years I have needed to withdraw and follow another of my tips – that you have to look after yourself first so that you can look after others.  I have needed to slow down. I have needed to be kind to myself. I haven’t been strong enough to support anyone other than my loved ones. I shall continue to do that and also be proactive in my purpose. I’m shutting that negative duck up….”shut the duck up”…again!

The next event that I am speaking at is at the Let’s Talk Birth conference in Hereford (and online) on 12^th November.

I would be grateful for my details to be shared and passed to other event organisers.

I do still want to share that mental illness can and does affect anyone. Yet with treatment, time and support it is possible to recover. I have, you can and will!

Elaine 🙂