My Blog

I want to share a personal development in my life with the desire that it may encourage you to keep on keeping on with whatever you feel is your passion or purpose in life. We all need something to motivate us when we the feel need to give it up because we feel ‘the odds’ are conspiring against us.

It is just over 11 years since I resigned my full-time teaching career to begin a new journey. It was to spread awareness of perinatal mental health through speaking engagements and writing, following the publication of my first book ‘Eyes without Sparkle – a journey through postnatal illness’ (2005). I have been so pleased that I could do this with a steady flow of engagements and opportunities. Regrettably it has never been enough to rely on as a full-time income, as many of them are unpaid and my topic does not have wealthy audiences, like big corporate industry.

Throughout those years, every now and then I have reached what I called my ‘Tesco’ or supermarket moment (to work on a till) for one, or all of three reasons:

1. A guaranteed income to pay my basic bills so I can live and eat
2. A feeling that what I do regarding perinatal mental health is not needed or appreciated
3. A job I didn’t need to take home with me, so I could switch off and relax more. My passion around perinatal mental health could have me constantly on social media.

It has been amazing that on those Tesco moment days so far, I have then received an unsolicited message that has re-inspired me and helped me to keep on keeping on. For example, this came from a student midwife who had heard me speak recently:

‘I was once told by a wise woman at a very hard time in my life that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I believe that you fit all three. You touch people to think about mental health (a reason) and you may stay in their life for a season which will help them through their hard times but I believe you stay in people’s lives for a lifetime for the impact and positivity that you have. I Just wanted the opportunity to thank you. Keep up your hard work and congratulations on your achievements.’

Such messages then encourage me to get back at my desk, on the phone or networking to seek more speaking or writing opportunities. Motivation is much appreciated, yet on its own, it will not pay my basic living costs.

The internal fire in me that was sparked on World Mental Health Day in 1999 (at the church where I had been found previously, wearing just my nightie, when I was so ill) has continued to burn deeply. Ultimately my marriage failed and I had to find a way through that loss. Then I met my next partner, fellow speaker, Clive Gott, who then died of a sudden heart attack at the age of 52 back in February 2011. I had to find my way through that loss. My parents have been there as an incredible support throughout. My son always remains the complete joy and pride in my life.

These last few months I have faced a different loss. For the past five years, I have been able to financially survive through being the Personal Assistant for Mike Coote, who is an amazing executive coach amongst his many talents. It suited us both for me to officially work for him and his company every morning, allowing me the freedom and flexibility to do my own writing and attend events. Consequently, last September my second book was published. I have had a busy and rewarding year since and have spoken at many prestigious events and venues. I am thrilled that I am now classed as a keynote speaker and appear to have earned a reputation I am very proud of. For example, this Tuesday I am keynote speaker at the National Exhibition Centre in Birmingham for a Nursing in Practice event.

During the last year Mike’s company and business has needed to change and he is currently spending weeks away in the USA, growing new connections and opportunities there. This has meant that my basic income has disappeared and has also given me more time on my hands!

So, what do I do? I asked some of the key figures in the perinatal mental health world if there would be any possible income or post for me in the current release of more funding in this area. I know that I am not the only passionate and experienced speaker on this subject who has chosen this route. It is not that we want to make a fortune on the back of others misfortune – we simple need to live! I was told there was nothing that was possible at the moment.

So, I need to do something different. This coincided with another of my Tesco moment reasons, for being unappreciated. A group that I have been part of for a long time, giving many hours over the years, with no financial compensation, informed me that in the terms of their membership I was more than welcome to contribute and attend BUT under no circumstances was I ever to mention my books as that is for ‘commercial gain’. As part of that group I also could never refer to them in any talks or presentations. I cannot and will not be muzzled for products that I have written to help others. I resigned. I attended an event organised by this group and eventually had to leave because I felt so hurt. All I have ever intended with this journey is to inform and inspire. I want to make a difference – not a financial killing.

I went back to my car and sobbed, determined that I was leaving the perinatal mental health world for good. Another blow was that a paid engagement I had been looking forward to had been cancelled.

I then approached my local stores for any part-time work, as a starting point. To honour my existing bookings, I am unable to work full-time. I was told by the lovely Diane at the JTO Vintage tea rooms that our local convenience store, One Stop, was looking for someone. This always reminds me of Bob Beaudine’s work, on the Power of WHO, asking people you know for what you are needing. I presented myself and explained the reasons why I need to be super flexible and hoped that this arrangement could work for them too, for example to cover holidays and sickness. Now I am doing some part-time shifts there and I am enjoying it. Here is my selfie in my new uniform!

I am working on the till and stocking shelves at a basic hourly rate. I am a sociable person and it is a pleasure to interact with others. For some of the elderly customers, we may be the only people who they see all day. A smile and a friendly word or two is a pleasure to give. Those who know me will also know that I adore tidying up so sorting the shelves is like therapy for me! Thank you Lee, the manager, for giving me this opportunity. I also have a trial at another local coffee shop next week.

It was then incredible that the news hit this week about Adele having had postnatal depression. In the media frenzy that followed on Tuesday morning I was contacted by a BBC journalist who had enough confidence in me to ask me to be interviewed live on the BBC World Service! It was to go out across the globe. They then made a short, edited film that was on their news pages. Click here to see it.

It was excellent to see that many of my friends and contacts within the perinatal mental health world also were in the media, for example, Naomi Farrow on The Wright Stuff on Channel 5; Beth Bone in The Telegraph, Rosey in The Daily Record  and Dr Andy Mayers on LBC who said ‘Depression is not a life choice; it’s a demon that takes away your very soul’.

Within a couple of hours of my interview I was at One Stop serving customers! How ironic!

In the early hours of the following morning I had the idea of organising a global pop concert to raise awareness of perinatal mental health. Unable to sleep I put the message out on Facebook below and was stunned by the response. Click on ‘read more’ below to see the reactions.  Talk about the Universe telling me to ‘carry on’!

I did not go back to sleep and then went to an event by the Greater Manchester and Eastern Cheshire Strategic Clinical Networks who welcomed me and had asked me to take along my books. Listening to all the speakers and feeling appreciated again, totally reignited my flame. It taught me not to allow the unwillingness of someone who wants to use bureaucracy to silence me to have the power to stop my passion. I have actually used it to move onward and upwards!

Following my sleepless night last week, my Mum kindly reprimanded me for doing too much. It is only a few weeks since my shoulder surgery (now healing well). She knows me too well. So I have stepped back a little to ensure I have the stamina, rest and all I need. I always tell people that you need to look after yourself, so that you can then look after others. So I am doing that this weekend.

I am finding my way through this current loss. I have also decided to do something else that is different. To date, I have always waited to be asked to speak at events. Now I am going to be more proactive, joining up with others to put my own on. For example, in January Mark Williams and I are working together; UK Birth Centres and I are having a day locally and then Mia Scotland and I are holding an event in February. I am also planning more with other kindred spirits.  Mark has also suggested that I put on workshops around the topic of my newest book because so many people are too scared to add to their families – like Adele.

So I am doing my utmost to find my way through my current financial loss. That is an ongoing concern and one I am determined to overcome.

My passion and purpose remains intact!

In the last couple of weeks, I have spoken to others who give the impression that they can manage their passion and purpose around perinatal mental health. Yet I have discovered that there is more than me doing some other part-time paid work to enable us to do so. I wanted to share what I am doing because I am honest. I have also learned that by sharing my vulnerabilities, it gives others strength.

Long term I have these visions:

• What if someone would sponsor me to deliver a few talks a month to deliver awareness talks and workshops? I could then do so much more for free.
• What if someone would fund me to organise a global pop concert for awareness of perinatal mental health?
• What if Huffington Post and other media would help me by publishing this blog?

Why does this matter? Because the unnecessary suffering and loss of life and actual lives continues as people still do not know enough about perinatal mental health and we still need to campaign for more and better services. How many more deaths do we have to have – another lady died this week under a train. How many more lives and families have to be devastated?

I am aware that this week some teams that applied for some of the first round of extra funding for perinatal mental health services, have been granted their awards. That is brilliant. I also know that there are many others who also applied, that did not. They are hurting and disappointed. I know that some are also facing their Tesco moments too and want to throw the towel in. My plea to those is please keep on keeping on. Let’s all do what we can do because of the parents who need us; their babies and families; and those yet even to be born or conceived. We also need to continue to encourage the healthcare professionals, charities and individuals who are also playing their part for perinatal mental health.

If you haven’t seen the film Suffragettes about the women who fought, and eventually won, the Votes for Women, I highly recommend it. The strap line for that film is ‘The Time Is Now’. We have begun a tidal wave of awareness of perinatal mental health. Let’s continue to build and grow it.

In the interim I now have to get ready to serve customers in the shop. No knitting, Strictly and X-Factor for me! Oh, and by the way, do you know who owns One Stop? It’s Tesco!

• What can and will you do to keep on keeping on?
• Who do you know that can encourage you?
• Who do you know that right now needs a few words of appreciation?

Elaine 🙂