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What does the first week in September mean to you and how can you make it a positive one?

As a teacher for almost 20 years, the first week in September heralded that ‘back to school’ groan! There was also the joy of seeing the children and catching up with the summer antics of colleagues. Yet why was the second statement after the ‘have you had a nice holiday?’ question from colleagues, the answer of ‘only 6 weeks, 2 days to half –term’?  How often too do we wish time away….when it is so precious?

As a parent, the first week in September heralds another chapter in your child’s life and their growing independence. It is a real cocktail of pride (seeing them go up to the next stage), anxiety of separation and how they will manage along with a slight sense of relief that the long summer holidays are over. How many of you have said ‘it’s good to be back to normal again’?

As a worker, there is a sense of relief that the working world will be ‘back to normal’ too.  The automatic ‘out of the office’ e-mail replies begin to dry up and those that remain are met with a tinge of envy for those whose holiday and suntan is a distant memory. The traffic is heavy again!

Weekend television arrives in all its “glory”, and if you enjoy it, ‘X-factor’, ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ and ‘Downton Abbey’ mark the (dare I say it) countdown to autumnal nights and Christmas!

For the retail trade, the aisles are cleared of BBQs and weed killer to be replaced by ‘3 for 2’ Christmas cards and presents!

Before I move onto September though, I want to reflect upon a very significant August for me.

It was the month I celebrated my 50^th birthday. We had an enjoyable Sunday lunch and then my man and I ‘stopped the world’ and escaped to a blissful spa for several days of complete relaxation, wonderful food and pampering.

Some people dread being 50. I liked the blog a friend sent to me on ‘50 reasons why 50 doesn’t matter’.

I especially agree with her point

‘Because 50 only reflects the number of years I’ve been in this body – not the amount of life I’ve put into those years or the joy and wisdom I’ve gotten out of them!’

Some people seem ‘old’ in their 20s. My parents are both still ‘young’ in their mid 70s! Most recently they could be spotted in the audience of the ‘X-factor’!

My brother gave me a present of a voucher for a facial ‘uplift’ treatment (is he telling me something?) along with a book called ‘ Ageing with Attitude’ .

The strap line is ‘Ageing is the only way to a long life – with attitude you can make it a great one’. What is your attitude to life and how you live it? Are there ways you can improve it?

At 50 I understand that very well. Indeed I have questioned my mortality. In August 2010 I attended a 50^th birthday party of a friend. He packed so much into his first fifty years in terms of ‘living’ and inspired many along the way. Two and a half years later his heart simply stopped.  During that time period Clive had become my partner. Giving CPR was something my Dad had shown me as a child and I had my First Aiders badge at Guides. Actually using the technique was something that I never thought I would have to do. Although the coroner told me that no-one could have saved Clive that night due to the furring of his arteries, that bit of knowledge and skill I had enabled me to ‘do something’ as I waited for the ambulance. That was better than feeling useless and ignorant.

What skill do you need to learn?

Clive had put his 55th birthday celebration on his ‘vision’ – along with all the other plans and expectations he had for life in the past two and a half years. Due to his ill-health, they have not been met and never will.

What can you do to improve your health?

One of Clive’s sayings from his speaking platform was that he was ‘pleased that he had woken up – which was more than some people had’.  How very true and poignant. That is something I now value every morning I wake.  It is so easy to bemoan our lot in life – so often we can harbour grudges and complaints about this and that. It won’t take to long to look a little farther away from yourself and realise that where you are is actually pretty good compared to others.

What blessings can you count?

I have also done a huge ‘moving on’ this August. The long and painful legal battle surrounding Clive’s death is finally drawing to a close. This week the house we shared has a new family in it. I no longer have to return to Tadcaster. I hope the house is once again a home of fun and laughter. As I sort through the last few of his possessions, I realise just how insignificant ‘stuff’ is. I remember my Grandpa saying ‘there’s no pockets in shrouds’. It’s true. Our society has become so focussed on material possessions. At the end of our day they become ‘stuff’. I have also cleared out my wardrobe of many of the dresses and outfits that I no longer wish to wear. They are for sale at a local hospice shop. If the money raised helps to ease the end of someone else’s life and their loved ones, that is worth far more than them hanging in my wardrobe. I have the photos and memories.

What possessions can you let go of to create new memories for others?

I would strongly suggest that if you haven’t already, write a Will and get it legally validated. Also take out insurances. It will make life so much easier for those who still are alive.

What do you need to do to get ‘your papers’ in order?

My biggest learning at 50 is to appreciate every day and also to ensure those days are filled with relationships and tasks that are rewarding and fulfilling.  When I was a child I sulked. I could spend hours feeling hard-done-by and being miserable. My Dad used to say ‘the only person you hurt when you sulk is yourself’. I now realise he was right. Yes, I still get upset by people and events. The difference is that now I communicate better or simply change my ‘Mindset’ and decide to think differently and better. I cannot change what happens to me – what I can change is how I respond. Using positive words to myself and others makes such a difference. Even simply saying ‘’Remember’ instead of ‘Don’t Forget’ makes a positive change to how we operate. Say what you want, not what you don’t.

What can you do to change your ‘thinking’?

I think my approach to every precious day as a 50 year old, is to consider that if it were my last one, would I be content with it?

So this September for me ..

• I am appreciating that it is my son’s last year of schooling as he begins Upper 6^th
• I am appreciating my niece and the joy of being with her in term time as next year she will be starting school
• I am appreciating the joy of my partner, family and friends
• I am appreciating the excitement and challenges of being self-employed and exploring new opportunities of speaking on postnatal illness
• I am beginning my focus on my second book on Contemplating Pregnancy after Postnatal Illness
• I am excited to be returning, for the third year, to the breathtaking Aldourie Castle near Inverness  both as a delegate at a Leadership retreat and as a coach and PA for S+ who are running it
• I am loving life and focusing on things that matter!

(* I am on the front row, right in the middle.)

What really matters to you this September and what will you do about it?

Elaine x