My Blog

My regular blog readers may remember that last September I took up the invitation from Stratagem+ Group  to attend a leadership retreat held at Aldourie Castle  on the banks of Loch Ness.

My posting about last year is at here.

I was invited back to Aldourie again this year. A friend of mine used to say ‘never go back’ as often your experience may not be as good. I took the chance! On reflection so much has changed in the last 12 months and I’d like to share some of my thoughts as they may inspire others.

1. Acceptance of leadership
2. Celebrate progress
3. Appreciate others
4. The value of a positive attitude and choices
5. My ‘leadership’ style
6. Healthy body, healthy mind
7. The next chapter

Last year I questioned my place at a ‘Leadership’ event. I felt that I wasn’t a leader in the sense of working from an office, leading team meetings and writing agendas! Yes, I sit at a computer and write plus stand in front of groups of people. I did not consider this as being a leader. Now I realise that I qualify as one if we consider that (according to http://www.iwise2.com/leadership ):-

“Leadership is not an end in itself, but a means to bring out the best in people, to inspire and motivate them to commit their energies, skills and talents to delivering the organization’s vision.

Leadership influences the behaviour and actions of others. 

Modern views of leadership have moved away from influence using authority, position, command and control, to a focus on influencing by:

• Relating to and connecting with people
• Building trust
• Motivating, inspiring and empowering people
• Creating a compelling vision of the future
• Communicating that vision in a way that builds commitment to it
• Role modelling honesty and integrity.”

So my first step this year was to accept that I truly belonged with the other delegates!

As Mike and Dave from Stratagem+ Group presented the theme of the retreat as ‘What’s my story’, I was excited at the idea of looking at this. I admit to being proud of being able to literally place my book on the table as evidence of my story up to 2005.   See my book details here.

My next challenge was in having to present my story, so far, in seven minutes! Having once won an award for ‘why use a sentence when a paragraph will do’, I am aware that I have to be much more concise and consider the quote

“The more you say, the less people remember”     Francois Fenelon.

I achieved my aim and kept within the timescale! It was moving to listen to other stories and very quickly we bonded as a group due to sharing aspects of our personal and business lives.

Within the splendour of the Castle I began to realise just how far I have come in the last 12 months. Of course I still remember my late partner, Clive and all we shared. Last year I was still in shock and grieving.  I did not really know where I was heading in any area of my life. His death was so prominent in my mind and I cried regularly, even as part of the group. This time my emotions were in check. So what have I done since then?

Business

• I worked on new branding and have a new website
• I have a new keynote on postnatal depression which has been given great praise
• I have appeared on BBC Breakfast speaking on mental illness and featured in other media
• I am in talks with my publisher for my second book
• I am now a part-time executive PA for Mike and Dave
• I am a regular business coach for Stratagem+ Group

Personal

• I have moved house
• I have a much closer relationship with my son and the rest of my family
• Rebuilt some previous friendships
• I have a new partner in my life which adds to the delight of every day
• Met some incredible new people

Attributes

• I have more gratitude and appreciation for life
• I feel so much stronger
• I have learned so much about myself and increased my knowledge and experiences
• I am more open
• I listen more and talk (a little!) less
• I accept soul food and stretch food better (feedback)
• I relax better

My only sadness is that due to moving I have lost touch with some people, who 12 months ago were very important to me and indeed still are. Their support will always be appreciated and remembered even if we are no longer in regular contact.

As the days passed at Aldourie I began to feel even more excited about the next 12 months. If all that has been possible in the past, what will the future look like?

So much of the above list has been possible thanks to the support I have had from many different sources – practically, emotionally and financially.  One of the biggest influences for me was the belief that some have in me in my own right. I guess I allowed my grief to let ‘me’ be buried. Many of us grieved the loss of Clive in the speaking world and for the inspiration he gave others. I wanted to keep that alive.  That desire remains. The change has been that I now share his and my lessons …. in my way. Let’s face it – there will only ever be one Clive Gott!

This year at Aldourie, I still spoke about him. I was extremely touched when one of the other delegates who had known him well, commented to me that he would have been very proud of me. I also acknowledge that I have played my own part too, as even with the best support in the world, unless you take responsibility for your own situation and are prepared to take action, then your life won’t change.

One area we also covered at the retreat concerned attitude. As we discussed various aspects around it, I recognised that this has also been a huge influence in my journey in the last year.

Life changes. Conditions change. We all have to make choices. Some of mine in the last 12 months may not have been right, or judged by others as such. Others have been good.  I remember one of Clive’s many expressions he used when asked ‘How are you?’ was ‘I am happy with my choices!’

I had struggled last September with the decision to go to Aldourie. The doubts surrounded finance; my ability to ‘fit in’; what would it lead to. My Mum encouraged me and I am so glad she did as so many opportunities have arisen as a result.

Clive’s nephew Wayne decided to do something positive following the still birth of his son Finlay last year and complete a run in his memory to raise funds for the charity SANDS, which he did whilst I was at Aldourie. Well done Wayne – see his page at http://www.justgiving.com/Finlay-Reece-Gott .

What opportunity are you currently casting doubts on? What could you gain from it?

As I have accepted that I lead by influence, as proved by many testimonials, I need to recognise how I do it and ways to improve. At the retreat we moved on to look at different styles and levels of leadership. I recognised some ways that I have been on the receiving end of in the past and ones I do not wish to replicate! On the other hand I immediately could see positive ways I can help the people I am honoured to be currently coaching, and how I can improve.

As part of this we identified and shared something that we had got right as a direct influencer in a relationship and contrasted it with an example of where we had got it wrong! I am well aware that I get things wrong at times – what I have learned are more ways to do things right more of the time.

What can you do right now to improve a relationship?

I was pleased that Dave and Mike also stressed the need to look after ourselves as leaders in order to lead others.  We considered the importance of exercise, eating, rest and recovery. The more time I spend with business leaders, the more I realise they often put themselves bottom of the care pile! Naturally this is a topic I am passionate about and said so! I am guilty of not exercising enough and that is something I endeavour to do something about.

A strength of many good leaders is a sense of humour. During the retreat we shared some examples of our own triumphs, tragedies and challenges. This brought us altogether. We also had a wealth of humour interwoven between the humility. There were several moments of ‘in jokes’ that we’ll dine on for a long time to come!

In between all of the sessions, we were treated like royalty by the team at Aldourie Castle. As a group you have exclusive use of the spectacular venue. The bedrooms and facilities are stunning; the food and service is outstanding. We had a Scottish evening complete with Haggis and a piper!

The highlight for me was on our final evening. We had to conclude by writing and sharing our intentions in creating our stories for the future. Some of us had spoken in the afternoon and the remainder were invited to tell theirs after supper. We got wrapped up in coats and wellies and made our way across a prettily lit path down to the small beach at the shore of Loch Ness. The moonlight over the Castle took my breath away.

A bonfire had been prepared for us to gather around. I perched on a large rock and listened. To the sound of the waves lapping. To the sound of the fire crackling. To the sound of the voices as the smoke wafted around us in different directions and people scrunched on the pebbles as they danced to avoid it.

The flames had me mesmerised along with the sounds. I then began to cry as members of the group began to share what changes they are going to make as a result of the days at Aldourie. For many they were life-changing decisions.  My tears were of pride and simple joy. I felt so grateful to have been part of the retreat. I had helped with the admin both before and during the days; I had shared my stories and experiences which then had helped others; I felt proud and humble to be part of an incredible group of people that had been enabled to open up and make clear decisions and plans about improving their own lives and those around them.  I felt proud about my progress in the last 12 months.

As I was driven away from Aldourie I did so with excitement and enthusiasm for my future, with some plans in place to make it happen in ways I want it to.

Thank you to everyone involved in the experience. It was magical.

I am looking forward to Aldourie – Chapter 3!

So what has your last 12 months looked like? What do you feel proud about?

What do you need to tell yourself to do, in order to make the next year even better?

Elaine

http://www.greatvine.com/elaine-hanzak