My Blog

I recently had a ‘dream’ speaking booking to address Executive Assistants and Personal Assistants at a global company based in Lausanne, Switzerland. My theme was ‘The importance of you – why self care is vital’. In a couple of weeks I shall be doing a similar talk in Amsterdam.  I am feeling very blessed that my experiences of  illness and life are now being used to help others in both the healthcare and corporate worlds. One of the reasons that we must look after ourselves is so that we can look after others.

You may recall that in May this year my brother Kevin arguably hadn’t looked after himself and he came very close to losing his life. The perils of drinking contaminated water on his travels abroad! Living back with my parents, he continues to make progress. I took him for a check-up back at the Royal Liverpool hospital where he had life-saving surgery. What an incredible place. They are pleased with his progress. Afterwards we went into the city centre and had lunch at Ask. It was a poignant trip because the previous meal I had there was with my parents when it was still ‘touch and go’ if my brother would survive. We told the waitress the story and they gave us lunch on the house! How very kind. It was completely unexpected and very much appreciated. Is there anyone you can be kind to today?

Kevin and I after our tasty free meal at Ask, Liverpool

For some people, one pleasurable way of taking time out is a visit to a spa. I enjoy having a massage and relaxing in a robe! In fact, one of my favourite items of clothing is my dressing gown at home. I was delighted recently to take part in a charity massage. As part of  the Women’s Wellness Week campaign, the aim was to have 1000 women all being massaged at the same time in #we11nesshour massage-athon! Abi Wright and her company Spabreaks.com had worked with Willow Foundation, (dedicated to bringing special days to the seriously ill who are between the ages 16 and 40 years of age and live in the United Kingdom) to ask spas across the UK to donate a number of massages at the same time slot. Invitees could have the massage in exchange for a donation to the charity.

My Mum and I went along to the Doubletree by Hilton Chester, a few miles away from home. It was 5 days after she had turned 80. We were asked to complete a poster to say why we deserved ‘me time’

We both enjoyed our massage and spent time afterwards on sun loungers outside on the terrace just chatting. The best thing about spending time relaxing with a loved one is that you also create memories. We also feature in the video that was created of the day  (at 15 seconds – blink and you’ll miss us!) ..

Thank you to the team at Doubletree by Hilton Chester and to the team at Spabreaks.com.  Here is Abi’s thank you ..

A few weeks later we used a very good offer from Spabreaks.com to have a belated birthday treat for my Mum with my sister Claire and I. We stayed at 30, James St in Liverpool. The hotel is fascinating and is in the building that was the offices for the White Star line who owned the Titanic. There are many items of memorabilia around the hotel. I have never seen a place that has so many padded walls! The rooms are very grand. We loved the wardrobe that looks like you could get to through to Narnia.

One advantage of the hotel is that it is within walking distance of Liverpool One and all the shops. We definitely needed shoes off after a walk around them!

After a meal we enjoyed cocktails in the beautiful restaurant at the top of the hotel. We could see that it had a roof top seating area that must be wonderful on a sunny evening. The cocktails were on off at 2 for £10 so we simply had to share the extra one!

The following morning the three of us spent time in the spa. They have packing trunks instead of lockers, in keeping with the theme. The only thing about having a massage is that it has to end! I find I have to work hard at REALLY being in the moment; switching my mind off from the endless ‘to do’ list; and focus on the sensory sensations of the massage. I always feel a sense of sorrow when I am asked to turn over because I know that is half of the time gone! Yet isn’t that what we do at the good times in life? When I taught children with severe learning difficulties we were allowed to have many trips into the community to help them learn social skills. I remember one young lady who absolutely adored being out and doing whatever we were doing – until the penny dropped that it was nearly over. At that point she would rebel, usually in a ‘unsociable’ manner. Both my teaching assistant, Glenda, and I received smacks from her as she did not know how to control the fact that a ‘good time’ had to come to an end. Inside perhaps we all want to have a toddler type tantrum of lip out, siting on the floor and bemoaning ‘It’s not fair’!

So how do we process that ‘me time’ or a ‘good time’ has to end?

1. When you are ‘in it’, truly be ‘in it’.  It can be difficult to switch off the deafening noise from your own brain. Silence it by deep breathing and ground yourself in all the sensory stimulation that is set up to help you do this. Take in the aroma; the sounds; the textures; the sights and the tastes around you. Imagine you are taking a film or snapshot. In fact, this is what you are doing – creating a memory. If you are enjoying an event, take time to really focus on all of these sensations because later on you can ‘be there’ again in your own mind.
2. Be with the people who are with you. It saddens me how many people miss ‘being there’ due to social media. Some areas now have educational posters up telling new parents to read to their children and babies instead of their phone. I heard Ester Rantzen on BBC Breakfast this week talk about how teenage bullying is now being taken into their bedrooms instead of being left at the school gates (as it used to be); relationships crumble because of games addictions. In restaurants and cafes you can see tables of people physically sitting together – and they are miles apart because they all have their head in their phones. The irony is that the next night they will be on social media with the people they are in front of now! I have been guilty of this in the past and I do my best to improve on this.
3. Plan a ‘next time’. When Clive, my late partner, died I struggled for months with a fear of never seeing loved ones again.  Incidentally, he died because he didn’t look after himself and ignored signs that might have prolonged his life. Every goodbye made me panic and ask the question ‘what if I never see them again?’. I learned that the best way to deal with this is to make sure that every time I say farewell to a loved one, that it is on good terms. I’m not saying that it is in a dramatic way worthy of a film ending …
   
   I just feel better knowing I haven’t stormed off or been rude. That way we both can have peace of mind that our last parting was a happy one. In addition, making plans for a future happy event, experience or simply time together can help. My parents always like to return from a holiday looking forward to planning the next!
4. Remember that ‘me time’ doesn’t need to involve money. Last weekend I had an incredible time in Ipswich. I delivered a Perinatal Mental Health Awareness Day to over 50 healthcare professionals on I was so thrilled by the excellent testimonials I received. I had travelled 9 hours over Friday/Saturday in addition to the session. Consequently, I knew I needed ‘me time’ on Sunday. It was a dressing gown day! I caught up with some television and generally relaxed. I knew that for me to continue with a busy week and be productive, I had to have a day to recharge, both mentally and physically. It is vital for me to be the best version of me. I need to stay healthy and I want my loved ones to.

This is humbling, inspiring and I hope encourages you to have a ‘special day’ and maybe help others to

Watching this has made me wonder if Willow Foundation are aware of Mummy’s Star set up for families affected by cancer in the perinatal period.  I shall find out and if not, connect them. One part of my blessed career is to introduce people for mutual benefit and support.

• What will you plan ?
• Who can you connect?
• When will you make time for you?

Ironically you are probably reading this because of social media! It does have its advantages too – it’s about balance!

Best wishes

Elaine