My Blog

It is quite incredible that my ‘baby’ is 21 years old today! I wanted to share this post to encourage those of you who may currently be struggling with a perinatal mental illness or even as a new parent facing sleepless nights! The joy of parenting can be possible.

Initially though allow me a moment of pride and love for my son Marius. Many of you who choose to read this will know how much he was wanted. In fact, this favourite song of mine has many lyrics that say how I feel …

The one achievement I always wanted to have was to be a mother. The birth wasn’t easy and I can appreciate why some people do not immediately bond with their baby after a traumatic delivery. I did – all my Christmas’s and birthdays all in one day.

Although those early months were challenging, there is no doubt I adored him.

Who could have known that by the time he was 7 months old I would be hospitalised and he was on the ‘at risk’ register with Social Services. We then spent two months apart whilst I was in a psychiatric hospital, diagnosed with puerperal psychosis. Being ‘robbed’ of breastfeeding due to that separation is now one of the many reasons I speak out about perinatal mental illness – it is a thief because you cannot get those precious times back. I do still have some fond memories of him as a baby. His Dad and grandparents were constant figures in his life whilst I was ill and gave him the care I was unable to for a while. I needed to be a well mother to be a good mother.

Once I recovered, I was able to enjoy the delights of parenthood and we had some very happy times watching our son grow. He was a huge fan of Lego, and every Christmas and Birthday that would be on his wish list.

Happy days when he was small

My parents owned timeshare and due to our jobs as teachers we had many happy holidays both at home and abroad, often with his cousin, Brendan (pictured) too.

2005 was a significant year for us as a family as the book of our lives was published and we moved house. I was so proud that wanted to draw the front cover!

First book launch January 2005

As my speaking career and new lifestyle away from being a school teacher impacted, my marriage failed.  Marius lived with his Dad for a number of years. I missed him so much during that time.

He moved back in with me in his later teens and through his sixth form years. It was a joy to be part of seeing a young man emerging who had a passion for filming and photography.

The last three years he has been at Cleveland College of Art and Design where he is now doing his finals of his degree – in photography and film.

He was recently featured in the college and local press for his work.

It is a joy when he comes home for holidays and we were able to have an early celebration last week for his birthday with my family. Sophie loves her big cousin too!

After he graduates this summer, his plan is to return to Cheshire and live with some friends in Chester, a few miles away from us. How thrilled am I!

One of the many lessons I have learned as a parent, is that every day is a new phase and stage. You cannot keep them at where ever they are now. So if you are currently are struggling with sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, stroppy teens – remember that! Enjoy and relish every stage as your child grows – in a blink of an eye, it will be their 21st!

One of the many happy memories of Marius I have in recent years is going to see Coldplay with him, my partner, brother-in-law and sister. It was his first stadium concert and I knew then that my little boy had grown up. I shall always remember us all singing along to this track..

My son remains as loved and treasured by me just as he always was, and always will be.

Happy birthday Marius – thank you for all the love and joy you have given me!

Your Mum xx